Rated: PG-13 - contains sexual content, language, and drug use that may be inappropriate for children under 13. In other words, we’re warning you now so you won’t complain that we didn’t warn you!
By Ali and RJ
The four other guys are loading their stuff into JC's Jeep Wrangler as Justin throws his own stuff into his Benz.
Lance: (skipping) Ooo, this is going to be soo fun! A lovely camping trip in the forest!
JC: (whispering to himself) Damnit, I could be in my room taking a hit of..
Lance: (interrupts and calls to the house) JOEY!! HONEY, WE'RE LEAVING!!!
Joey: (walks out with a sandwich and drink in hand) What? Already? I haven't even gotten to the pie yet!!
Lance: Joey,you already ate a pie 15 minutes ago....take it with you, honey!
Justin: FOO'! U BETTAZ HURRIEZ UP WE GOTZ TO JET!
JC: God I need some of that..
Justin: JC, yo' you dropped yoz cocaine.
After the loading, Chris and JC take off in JC's Wrangler since there's no room for more than 2.. that is, of course, because Joey has packed so much food.. so Lance and Joey end up going with Justin in his car...
-IN JUSTIN'S CAR-
Justin drives as Lance and Joey ride in the backseat. The ghetto boy turns up the booming volume to some Nelly.
Lance: Owwww, Justin, that's hurting my ears!!
Obviously Justin doesn't hear. Lance taps him on the shoulder and he looks back.
Justin: (Irritated) Whatchu WANT, fool?!
Lance: Can we PLEEEEAASSEE listen to Radio Disney?? Pleeeaassseee Justin???
Justin: Get the hella out of mah face wit that ****! I ain’t listenin to no DISNEY! (Justin puts DMX)
Lance: *sigh* Fine..but can I get the window view next time we get back in the car?
Justin: Whateva, YO JOEY DON'CHU DARE EAT THAT CAKE IN MAH BENZ!
Joey: (with cake all over his face) I won’t dirty it.. I promise (chews)
-IN JC’S CAR-
JC: Ah..i need some cocaine....(turns to the window and sniffs some cocaine) OH YEAH BABY!
Chris: JC,are u having orgasms again,because this isn’t the right time or place...
JC: Huh? What? Where am I? What the hell am I doing here? (looks around but continues to drive)
Chris: We're going camping, duh. (holds Busta in his arms like a baby)
JC: Oooh!! Sounds okay to me. (continues driving while Chris rolls his eyes)
-JUSTIN'S BENZ-
Justin is yelling some Snoop Dogg while Lance is screaming like a girl, covering his ears, and Joey is continuing to stuff his face with cake. It continues.
-BACK TO JC'S JEEP-
JC: (pulls to side of the road and looks around) Nice place.. it's so.. colorful.. light greens.. yellows.. blues.. purples.. really nice.
Chris: (looks at gray forest) Yeah JC, whatever...
Both guys start to unload.
-JUSTIN’S BENZ-
Justin: U MOTHAZ! U DIRTY MY BENZ..U FAT *******!!
Lance: Such profanity Justin Randall Timberlake! I thought your mother taught you well.
Joey: I’m still hungry... Lance, can I have your snicker bar?
Justin: IZ U TALKIN ‘BOUT MY MOMZ, LADY DAW!
Lance: No Justin I am not. Can we Just go? ..Justin... you have something on your face.. let me wipe it off you (Lance puts his finger on his tongue and wipes up a black spot on Justin's face)
Justin: WHAT THE HELLZ, GET THE HELLZ OFF OF ME, BEFORE U RUIN MA IMAGE.
Justin: (pulls to the side right behind JC's Jeep) Man, dis place looks like a hunka crap, daw! Whudda hell we doin' in da middle of nowhere? Ah'd ratha be at da mall runnin' from chicks instead of bein' in a wasteland.
Lance: (getting out of the car) Oooo, this is sooo fabulous!! I can't wait to set up camp!! Hee hee!! C'mon Joey sweetie, let's get our stuff!!
Joey continues to sit in the car, munching on something else. Lance walks over to Chris and JC.
Lance: (to Chris) What's wrong with HIM? (points to JC who is looking around in wonderland)
Chris: He had an orgasm!
Lance: (slowly starts to get teary) W-What? W-Without m-me??
Chris: Ok..
Lance: Oh God, now my mascara is running, look at me I look awful now..
Chris: Sorry to burst your bubble but you always looked awful anyways.
JC: Hey Chris did you dye your hair pink?
Chris: It's black, JC.
JC: Oh...I guess I must be sleepy.
Justin: No you jus’ high.
Joey finally gets out of the car and helps to carry the stuff to the campsite. They set up their tents and put their things in the right places. Justin, the grumpy ghetto guy, grabs his backpack and heads for his tent.
Justin: (whispers to himself) This sucks... (he doesn't notice that a magazine falls out of his backpack)
Lance spots it and picks it up as Justin goes into his tent.
Lance: Oh my GOD!!! AAAAH!! I'm missing a 50% sale at MACY'S!!! (puts on a sad look)
Joey: (walks up behind Lance) It's okay, babe- we can go some other time...
Lance: Oh JOEY! I can't BELIEVE I'm missing it... (wraps arms around Joey and cries on his shoulder)
Joey: Don’t worry we can go next week, we can pick up some food before we go as well.
Lance: Ok.. (pouts)
Justin: Godz get a room, who the hell do u think i amz?!
---JC goes to his tent----
JC: ****, where's my coke...GOD don’t tell me I ran out...... (looks at the dirt out side) this will do for now (sniffs dirt) ....smells like urine..
Chris: (Fixing a fire and thinks 'Thank god I took a piss, I hope it doesnt smell in OUR tent..'
JC: Goddamnit, I have no coke!!
Lance: (looks in JC's direction, walks to his tent, and grabs a soda on the way there) JC? You said you wanted some Coke?
JC: (looks out at Lance) You IDIOT! (Zips up tent in Lance's face and continues to yell and plea inside)
Lance: (walks over to chris) Hm, whatever. Hey, Chris! Oo, a FIRE!! Can I help??
Chris: (looks at Lance like he's crazy) I don't think so, children aren't supposed to play with fire.
Lance: Oh.. okay.. (goes into his tent where Joey is eating)
-JUSTIN READING PLAYBOY-
Justin: DAMN LOOK AT THE PACK OF LEGS ON THAT ONE!!!!
Joey: Justin, that’s..that’s a man..
Lance:Oh God my legs..they're hairy! Gotta shave now!
Justin: (looks in disgust) ..ok...
Lance, Justin and Joey begin to talk, but suddenly they hear a noise!
Lance: AH! What was that!! (pulls Justin's sleeping bag up to his chin)
Justin: Hey foo', don't touch ma shit!
The noise continues. Joey looks at his watch and notices it's already 8 p.m. They spent so much time looking at PLAYBOY that time had gone by so fast.
Joey: (looks into Lance's eyes) Oh BROTHER. It's probably some squirrel or furry little thing. Here. I'll prove it to ya. (goes out of tent into the dark)
Lance: (waits a few minutes) JOEY?..JOEY?? ARE YOU OUT THERE?
*No answer*
Lance: C’mon Justin let’s see wear joey went..... ( takes a flashlight)
Justin: Ite.. OH ****! YO LANCE HE LEFT HIZ SNICKER BAR!!
Lance: OH NO!!! JOEY HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!
(Lance cries and goes on the floor)
Suddenly, Justin heres something in the distance...
"Now,im stronger..than yesterday..."
Justin:OH SHYT MY HEARING!ITS...ITS!! BRITNEY! AH ****! YO I CANT HEAR!
Lance: Justin...are u ok? JUSTY!!! NOOOOO!!!
Chris: Hey! What’s going on here! Oh..Is Justin havin’ those "moments" again?
Lance: JOEY HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!
Chris: Nah..he’s out here..he can’t be kidnapped, he’s too big..
Lance: He left his Snicker BAR!
Chris: Oh **** he was kidnapped!!
Lance: C'mon, we GOTTA find Joey!!
Chris follows Lance as they run around the campsite. After a while, Lance doesn't hear anymore footsteps behind him. He flashes the light behind him.
Lance: Chris? CHRIS?? CHRIS!!! OH MY GOD I LOST CHRIS!!
Lance increases his breath as he runs back to the campsite. He hears a song.. "Sometimes I run... sometimes I hide.. sometimes I'm scared of you..." He reaches the tent area, and sees that Justin is not in his tent. He goes over to JC's and starts to yell out his name. Commotion stops from inside the tent.
Justin: (pops his head out) Wha- MAN, LANCE, what the hell do you want?!?
Lance: Justin? Wha.. what are you doing in JC's tent??
Justin: None of yo business, foo!
JC: (in the background) Who's that, Justy?
Justin: (yells back) NOBODY! (back to Lance) Yo whut up.. fo real.
Lance: I've lost Joey.. AND I've lost CHRIS!!
Justin: Chris? How the **** can you lose Chris?! ANYONEZ CAN HEA HIS SCREAM FROM 45 MILES AWAY!
Lance: Britney is here, Justin. She’s here!
Justin: Ite ite, gimme a sec..
JC: Where you going..
Justin: Lance needs help finding Fat-one and Chris.
JC: Don’t take to long..
Justin: Yah ite
Justin gets out the tent.
Lance: (giggles) Your zipper is open, Justy!
Justin:Oh ***. Don’t call me that gay *** ****.
While Lance and Justin go looking after Joey and Chris, they suddenly here a song.. "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN..I PLAYED*
Justin: OH **** SHE’S NEAR US
LANCE: OH MY GOD!!!!!!
Justin: WHAT!
LANCE: AN IMPLANT!!
Justin: **** she’s around us somewhere.
-BACK AT JC'S TENT-
JC: (taking a look at his watch) Dang.. Justy should be back by now.. (continues to wait) Geezus, I can't wait any longer.... rrgg..
JC gets out of the tent and walks towards a tree with his hands in his pocket. He feels something in there.
JC: (pulling out a chemical substance) Oh my GOD!!! My coke!! YES!! (sniff's some up) Aaaahhh...
He continues to walk towards the tree, seeing many colors. He finally gets to doing his business and feels someone tap him on the shoulder when he finishes.
JC: (turns around and becomes wide-eyed) Oh my GOD! Y-you're.. whoa.. you're CHRISTINA AGUILERA!! Oh God.. can I get your autograph?!?!? (feels around for pen and paper)
BRITNEY: (in her spooky warped voice) JC.. I've gotten your other band members, and now you're my next target...
JC: (still feeling dizzy) WHOA!! REALLY!! We gotta take it slow, Christina! Relationships matter to me baby, you KNOW that!! Ahaha.. Lemme add, your hair is a REALLY colorful lime green!!
Britney: JC...SHUT UP
JC: FIESTY ONE EH?
Britney: JC..I’ll have to knock you out.. in order to get you..
JC: Ah and how's that, Christina..wow you got pretty fat.. what have you been eating? Or did you just stop being annorexic?
Britney: (Flashes her chest)
JC: OH ****! (faints)
Britney takes him away and puts his head inbetween her legs.
JC: .....WOW...THIS IS A MAGICAL PLACE... I’ve never seen anything like it! It smells..down here.. (faints again)
Meanwhile, Lance and Justin are still going at it, on the lookout for Joey and Chris when they run into JC.
Lance: Oh my GOODNESS! JC! (kneels down next to the dead body)
Justin flashes the light around for evidence, and finds the coke next to the body.
Justin: Man.. ah knew he wuz gonna O.D. someday.. poor dawg. I had real luv fo him.
Lance and Justin can't find their way to the campsite so they continue to walk around as Justin holds the light. Soon the flashlight disappears, and Lance notices he's by himself again.
Lance: (turns back) Justin? JUSTIN? Oh please sweetie, tell me if you're there!! AAAHH!! (starts to run around in circles)
-MEANWHILE WITH JUSTIN-
Justin: (Wakes up) ..where the hell I be at?
Britney: You are in my "Bed of Chains"...
Justin: What the **** is dat! U BEAST, LEAVE ME ALONE!
Britney: I’ve been waiting for this for so long
Britney takes off clothes and reveals her hairy body.
Justin: AH ****!!!!!!! (Faints again)
-BACK TO LANCE-
Lance: Oh God...JUSTY!! GOD....JESUS LORD! My nipples are hard.. I have to go look for him..
Lance carefully goes looks for Justin.
Britney:haha AT LAST LANCE,WE MEET AGAIN.
Lance: OH MY GOD!...Britney, please don’t kill me! I can give you some beauty tips....all you need to do is wear some pink eye shadow... some brown lip stick to touch your skin tone.. and you’re all set.. Oh HONEY! You need to shave all that hair you have on you too.... NAIR will work like a charm, Girlfriend.
Britney: ENOUGH...I've been waiting for you..
(Britney hisses)
Lance: Britney,you know CREST does work for 98% of the female population... Oh wait, you’re not a female.. but you can look like one! GIRL,we can go to Macy's, they have 50% OFF EVERYTHING!
Britney: It’s time, Lance.
Lance: BRITNEY NO!
Britney pulls up armpit and smashes it into Lance's face.
LANCE: NOO..BRITNEY...NOO...GOD, DON’T WORRY U CAN..GET RID OF THAT SMELL WITH SECRET..... (faints)
-A FEW MONTHS LATER-
Newspaper Headline: "N'Sync Down The Sink"- The 5 members of the once popular boyband *NSYNC have disappeared, and their belongings have been found today at a campsite far into a secluded forest. The remains were an illegal ounce of cocaine, a PLAYBOY magazine, a SNICKERS bar, a well kept make-up set, and a dog by the name of Busta. They have not clearly found the bodies, but a trace of the murderer, that left her pink bra, around the woods, which is led to believe to be a wonder bra. FBI suspicions lead to the infamous Britney Spears. Not only did they find a bra,they found a FUBU shirt,that is said to be Justin Timberlake's. They also believe Busta, Chris's Dog, had gotten molested.. they found the dog traumatized next to Chris's Fumanskeeto Shirt.
